sense of time...

i dun like to explain my project, or to present my ideas, and try to sell them. collin was dropping by my studio and saw the models i left on my tables. he asked me about my ideas and design...i was reluctant to explain. maybe because i hate to look back at what i've done and rationalize them in order to explain to other. maybe i'm so into the process of design that i can only tell u what i am doing now. i can't tell u what i did to reach this stage, but i did something. something that i've learnt and explored. something i discovered about myself through design. no matter if its knowing the meaning of my architecture, knowing how far i can go with an idea, knowing how much i can immerse into the process of design , or learning new things about myself.
there are times when i walked ard studio and see what other studios are doing, and i was compelled to compare what i;m doing with the rest. maninly to compare the different sense of time. the rest are much faster than me, and way ahead at production as compared to me. i guess the process of design is just a materialized manifestation of what i'm thinking, learning and exploring. its 9 more days to submission and i'm still designing. i'm still designing the handrails of the individual units of my hostel, and i'm enjoying it. maybe i can;t finish my production on time, maybe i'll not sleep for 2-3 days prior to submission, but i think i need to do what i want to do. i'll only stop when its too late to stop.
now back to study for urban design test.

bliss

bliss is when even i'm in studio on a saturday night, i'm still smiling when i think of her. i still think of what happened in the morning. i still see my friends in studio on a saturday night. when i hear the arcade fire playing from my laptop. when i got parking ticket fine. when i bought new shoes and sweater. when i think of her again and again...

tired

worked for 27 hrs non stop without sleeping. cadding out my design, designing hostel rooms, went for lecture, went site visit, had a super 2pm - 1145pm studio crit, did my history ppt presentation slides, and drove home like a zombie. i think i need some sleep...that is if i can sleep.

tired

worked for 27 hrs non stop without sleeping. cadding out my design, designing hostel rooms, went for lecture, went site visit, had a super 2pm - 1145pm studio crit, did my history ppt presentation slides, and drove home like a zombie. i think i need some sleep...that is if i can sleep.

anger

very angry at the moment. just ended a day badly with di, came hm at 1am to draft out a detail drawing. fuck up drafting pens are totally useless, its 4 30 am now and i only half done, beginning to think this module is a fucking waste of time, leanrning nothing, and i need a fix.

Absence

There is a sense of absence in the air that lingers around me. There are different kind of absence. One is u know its there, but u don't see it. That's why u see the need to find it, to let it resurface. another one is, it use to be there, but now, its gone. then u feel that there is no need to look for it, for it'll never come back. its gone forever. i dunno what is missing...but i can feel the presence of that absence.

silence

i swept away old memories, old relationships, my old life, my old desires, my old heart. i did that in silence. so that no one may notice. no will will ask. echos of the past resonates in my silence...